Reflections

Loss.
How does one describe it?
I feel the ebb and flow,
It swirls around me,
An ocean.

Right now it breathes as a storm
Pounding on the beaches,
Berating my inattention.
I missed out,
It reminds me.

I didn’t stay close enough,
I didn’t ask those questions,
I didn’t listen,
I refused to care,
And selfishly turned inwards.

Now, I look out,
And all I see are the empty spaces,
The faces who no longer wish to see
Or simply cannot.

I hate to be alone,
To know the one who cares the most about myself
Can be only myself.
My heart cries out inside,
Abandoned.

I see loved ones grow old,
They pass away
Before I barely have a chance to grow,
A chance to see their lives,
To ever see them again.

I see friends turn from life,
Bitter thoughts swirl their minds
And only death brings comfort.
I stand too far away to aid them,
I can only watch them die from afar.

I see heartbreak all around me.
Some things that can never be,
And others that have ended forever.
Friendships are splintered,
Fractured,
Separated.

I want to help,
I don’t want to see endings,
I cry at my helplessness.

The pattern of life moves on,
But the changes crush me inside
And I find it hard to breathe.
My self-loathing accompanies me,
My inability to stand on my own,
Disgusts me.

And yet I know, that any pain I feel
Is far outstripped by others
I have seen many more tormented than I,
And I am ashamed of my weakness.

The loss I feel
Is a swelling crest
A wave,
Drowning me in reflections
And smothering me in the remembrance
Of what is no more.

I stand up,
I sigh,
I cry to the skies,
I breathe deep the crisp air,
And dive once more into my waves.

Loss is life.
Whatever I feel,
Whomever I lose,
Whatever path I may choose,
All I need is a chance to breathe in,
And a hand to hold.